gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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