how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
