i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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