maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
