dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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