I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Randomize
