You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
