This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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