Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
