Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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