Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
