dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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