I bet he comes in French.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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