I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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