You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
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