if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
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