Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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