After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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