HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
