I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
