Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
It's never too late to be topless.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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