My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
