o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
he puts the penis in happiness.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
