It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
