Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
