I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
