dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
