Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
