if only i could text you this smell
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I lost the right to judge tonight
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
