Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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