Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
