good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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