dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
