How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
