Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
