no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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