I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Randomize
