my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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