I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Dicks are not precious.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
