i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
He has the fingertips of a God
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
