Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
me + whiskey = a bad person
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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