i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I think I have vodka in my lungs
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
