I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
