Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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