that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Randomize
