walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Randomize
