My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
