i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
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