my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize