mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
