i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
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