im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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