my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
