I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
