i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
